I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
