The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I smell like Dick and happiness
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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