i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
