hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
