im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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