I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
