My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
ok first of all what the fuck
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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