I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
