farters have to be the big spoon...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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