Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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