Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
