Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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