I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
