One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize