dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
