i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
