Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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