Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
did i walk over a car last night?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Randomize