dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
