I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Pants 0. Shit 1.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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