dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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