fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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