You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
YAS. BRING CRAB.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
