You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
