Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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