the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
