Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The power of my boobs compel you
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
