you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Panties = found
Randomize