alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
