he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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