I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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