I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i think i have herpe
just one?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
