Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
