Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize