We need to rekindle our bromance
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
