I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
