i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
