I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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