she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
