Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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