Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
