dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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