3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
