They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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