I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
