I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
