Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
