We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Found the puke drawer
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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