I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize