True but thats because hes a fetus.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
