Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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