Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
