i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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