Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
