Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
don't judge my taste in strippers
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
