I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
