Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
