You're completely useless in the revolution.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
