apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
