I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
