never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
We need to rekindle our bromance
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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