$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I would fuck him just for his dog
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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