And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
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