Tell her she can't have a vagina
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
