this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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