We're facebook friends in real life
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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