yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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