You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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