I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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