Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
