I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize